All strings attached

As I embark on a turning point of my life, all I am obsessed with is my family’s behavioural pattern. Few days ago, my parents got into a fight. I have seen them fighting a lot of times these 24 years.

When I left home at 16 , one of the things that i felt good about was I didnt need to see them fight much. But after my dad’s retirement, he has become a little direction-less. This man was in air force and then was a banker . All he knows is staying within the bounds of a routine and now that he has retired, he doesnot know what to do with his time. Hence he is irritated and my mum is pissed because all she imagined – after all these years of fights and differences, she wanted to grow old together beautifully.

As I was saying,this time they fought when they came to visit me . This was a fight which went out of proportions. I reacted and I reacted bad. The whole fight keeps repeating in my head.Sometimes I think the fight was my fault.

I am taking leaves from my work for four months to go back to my hometown with my parents  and get better(I have spondylitis).This decision was taken yesterday. This decision made them a team again. They are communicating about packing and other small stuffs. They even called my boyfriend and asked if he is ok with it. Bengali parents Рthis a great advantage ; they are progressive

I can pen down all lot wrong doings that my parents do to eachother and all the fun that we used to have during annual vacations.

Few days ago, I told a friend of mine-“my parents are a boon to me but a bane to eachother”. I dont know if I am correct about the last part . But I thrilled to go home and get better and I am scared to encounter their fights. I miss them but sometimes when they fight and start the blame game, I think my head will explode. I want to marry and be a good parent to my child just like my parents are but I dont want to be like them with my husband. Do that make me a bad daughter ? do putting down such facts make a bad person? Maybe. With parents,its not that black and white.