The thing about death

Few days ago, a college mate died in a road accident. It was his birthday. I remember waking up and checking my Facebook profile and the notification screen popped up with his birthday. By noon, a friend informed me about his death. I checked his facebook wall again ; I saw people still wishing him. And I kept checking his Facebook page the whole day to see how people are sending their greetings without knowing a thing.

Unbelievable,shocking,saddening. I have no adjective to describe that nagging feeling I had on that day. I even don’t remember him from college yet I was upset.I guess death leaves a profound impression.

You know how people say “you have one life,live it to the fullest”. Maybe this guy was leading his life to the fullest but death had a strange way of walking into his life.

It made me doubt few things.I doubt that we need to live every moment. I doubt that we need to have a mantra to life or a bucket list. I guess we just need to live and give ourselves a break from all the principles and mantras of life. We are doing our best we can at living. Death can come to us at any moment and when it comes,I doubt anybody will measure their lives by the moments they lived.They will measure lives by the people they loved,by people they lived with day in and day out,by people they ordinarily sat and gossiped with,by people they had their weekend booze nights with , by people they did their mundane work with. So when death knocks, lets hope that we have spent enough time with the ordinary people we are surrounded and loved by.

My experience with Ankylosing spondilytis

This is not a guideline which you can follow if you suffering from AS too. Its just my experience.

AS aka Ankylosing spondilytis. I was first diagnosed with AS when I was 21. I had severe pain in my back and legs. I could not even get up from my bed. I limped always. Then my dad took me to a orthopedic. I still remember the helplessness I felt when I could not walk from my car to the doctor’s chamber. People were trying to help me. I started crying. My dad was puzzled. He had never seen me crying. He got me chocolates as if I was a 2 year old (haha!).

Then the next two days were spent in a hospital in Siliguri. Blood tests , x-rays and patients all around me helpless with their medical conditions ; I hate hospitals. At the end of 2 days, it was found that i have AS.I had 15 days of medication and injections and was carried around in a wheelchair. After 15 days, I was able to walk but my walk was weird. I went back to college. The doctor suggested exercise and to restrain from some food items( urad daal,lemon,oranges etc) whenever the pain was more.

3 years passed and I was fine . I just did yoga for 2 months . I forgot about exercises . I just kept my weight in check. Then 2014 came and baam!! pain arrived again. I could not travel to my office. I use public buses to commute generally. I took leaves frequently and my manager kept telling that he would sack me from the project. I limped around my office and people ignored or didn’t care much.

At that time, I took a acupuncture treatment. It helped in the beginning. The best part was i didn’t need to take medicines that harm my liver. But the treatment didn’t subside my pain much later and hence I consulted another doctor who gave me medicines and asked me to exercise a bit.

For a year, I took the medicines and suffered from their side-effects. But now I am fine. I don’t take medicines much. I always take care of my posture. I take care of my food habit. The only problem is I hate exercising. But I am thinking of taking a swimming class.

The scary thing about arthritis is it stays with you till you die.Sometimes people make fun of my condition. They laugh at the fact that a 25 year old has arthritis. Even it took a while for me to grasp the idea of 25 year old having arthritis with a possibility of “bamboo spine”. I think about my future and it only scares me- marriage, babies, old age. Most of all, it frustrates me when I cant walk at all. I mean its a basic function of a human body and when the pain sets in, its like I just cant walk .

Well yeah! I am a mood-killer sometimes, I know

Love and all that

My second post. Another widely discussed topic. Love, relationships, dating.

I was talking to a childhood friend few days ago. She is dating one guy from her college but still hung up on her school time sweetheart. Now, I know the first thing that comes to any one’s mind is “stupid gal”, “naive”. But hold your judgements. There is more.

She and her guy do not have anything in common. ┬áThat’s a good thing generally because one has so much talk about and learn about the person he/she is dating. But here lies the problem. The guy isn’t interested in knowing her but he wants to marry her. Because , he is the kind of guy who loves only to marry.

But are we that old-fashioned anymore? Compatibility is important. And how do you find someone compatible- only by meeting new people more and more.

Yes , we Indians should date more. By dating , I dont mean just getting yourself a pretty girl or a Richie Rich guy. We need to meet more people, get out of our usual peer circles ,establish honest friendships and then see where it goes. And when it is not meant to be, just break up honestly. Thats important. If you are dating, you should be able to break up with dignity and honesty.

But, if it goes well – if you fall head over the heels with this guy/girl,then go ahead and say the “L” word.

And dont marry just because you have a relation with a guy/ girl . Marry because you are happy with this person, because this person know you so well that you can do something embarrasing and be fine with it, because you love each other and you have no second thoughts about it.

Just A Little Confused

This is my first post. After trying to postpone doing this by eating yummy dinner or by watching my favourite rom-com, here I am writing. What I want to write about? Well, the things I go through everyday , thoughts that exhaust me daily. One of those thoughts is career.

I read it somewhere – ” We are not kept from our goal by obstacles , but by a clear path to a lesser goal”.

Is that true? I mean I did my graduation in engineering , got a job in a good corporate firm. Most of the people of my age take the same path towards their job. But are we people meant for greater things in life? I mean getting the job was easy (On campus drive, it was) but keeping it is hard because I hate it. I dont love mondays. I hate the routine job I am in.

If you ask me reasons for not quiting, I would say money. At the end of month, I get to pay my bills. Despite stupid and highly diplomatic bosses ,this job pays me. Another reason not to quit, all my friends do these kinds of jobs and they are not quiting. If I quit and try and do something , I am an outcast. Now we Indians need to follow our society without any question.

Now, lets say I quit but how am I going to support myself financially. Yesterday night I thought about it. I got so many ideas about what I can become. With a friend’s help, i listed out few thing that I can be- a ERP consultant, a writer, a soft skill trainer, RJ. But I dont know. I am confused. I am scared. If I choose one of the goal, it will take a lot of hard work and I am very lazy person. And thats not it, I need to convince my parents about it. No child is ready for that kind of drama.

So I think its true, we are kept from greater things in life because we have an easier option.

And to people who are living life doing something that they love, I envy you.